Does my Hulu only have trouble buffering during the actual show? Because the commercials never suffer from performance anxiety.
Do people in the car ahead of me wait to slam the brakes until the exact moment I’ve shifted to 6th gear? Are they plain jane haters or psychic haters?
Does the temperature change from a month of upper 70’s to 40’s the moment I decide that I can’t stand frying another stinkin’ second longer and put the a/c window unit back in?
Do my socks always make it in the laundry hamper but the Redneck and Duck’s get denied? Usually by a whole room away?
Does my cell phone never ring unless I’m in the shower? Does the shower sound an alarm?
Is a customer service call answered within the first 5 minutes of being placed the only time I don’t have my account number in front of me? Must be customer service karma for all the times I’ve muttered discouraging things under my breath while listening to the elevator version of Uptown Funk.
These are my burning questions burning a hole through my brain as I’m working my way back into the Pool groove.
Spring has sprung and after listening to Duck’s Spring Break inspired xbox conversations…
“Dooode! Jump! Jump already! What are you waiting for?! Yeah, Mom gave me a party pizza, so it was good, what did you eat?”
I decided it was far past time to go and pull back the pool cover. Mostly to avoid banging my head against the nearest wall.
I’d love to tell you that I was gone because I was busy indulging in some amazing adventures. Ones that may or may not have included conquering my fear of flying and visiting Ireland, or taking up belly dancing and going pro, but that didn’t happen.
I turned a year older.
I did get my yearly haircut.
I had to say goodbye to a friend who’d been in my life for over 30 years.
Addie saw Stimple’s front door was slightly ajar, but she kicked it wide open anyway. It promptly bounced against the wall and slammed shut in her face with a resounding boom.
So much for a future with SWAT.
Trying again, she gingerly turned the knob and walked in. She saw the large hole in the drywall and grimaced.
Probably should pay for that.
The house was quiet, Stimple was either hiding or maybe loading a shotgun, but nowhere in sight. She knew he was here. She could feel it.
“Stimple! If you don’t come out now, so help me, I’ll crack you on the head and tell God you died.”
After a moment, a long moment, the man of Hell’s Home emerged from the bedroom. Without a shotgun. His eyes were bloodshot, his face worn and his clothes bagged and hung from his frame.
The sight of him had Addie trading her anger for disquiet. He wasn’t exactly the picture of health, nor was he sporting an evil smirk. Though she supposed she’d probably look the same if she had opened the gates and stuck around too.
Aaron’s eyes studied Addie warily as he sat down on the couch, flicking a hand towards her to join him. “What do you want?”
Straight to the point then. Good.
“You have to rebuild the gate. And you have to do it quickly. In case you haven’t noticed, weird stuff has been going down and the natives are restless.”
Aaron leaned forward and cradled his head in his hands.
“Oh, I get it. You’re confused. I know you think you’re here, still alive and breathing but you’re dead. Sorry you had to hear it from me. If you need assistance moving o-”
Addie’s hand snaked out to grab the closest object handy and closed around a book. Whacking him briskly on top of his head, she asked outraged,
“Have you gone completely ’round the bend? I’m alive. Flesh, blood, warm and breathing.”
“Hey!” Aaron grabbed for her arm and dropped it in shock. “You can’t-wait. You are warm but you’re dea-” whack!
The woman getting ready to renew her assault on his head was clearly dead but…not. She had to be (a guardian) a figment of his overworked mind. It wasn’t possible, as far as his limited knowledge went, to be able to be both.
Addie lowered the book. No use in beating him up anymore, even if he was of the male species. He was as confused as she. “Ugh, this is nuts. Where is your ole pal Roger? Would he have some answers?”
Aaron said nothing. And together they sat in the deepening gloom. Waiting.
Remember to check out more from Aaron Simple and the rest of the cast from the continuing story of Hell’s Home. 2 blogs, 1 story, lots of fun.