Another Normal Day In Our Family-And Being The Straight Guy In A Cosmic Joke

Nothing but figures
Our jaunt with a rock

Our family is a bit odd…

In my household, every day being a new foray into depths not yet explored by the common everyday, ordinary average, law abiding citizen, there is almost certainly, a laugh behind every corner.

Note, I didn’t say that I was laughing. No, no! That would be too easy!

I believe I’m am the world’s most ultimate version of a straight man in some cosmic joke, said joke of course, being at my expense. Actually, I blame my mom.

I mean, how else can one explain what happens to me on what my family considers to be an “average” day, one that would have everyone else laughing hysterically while banging their newly white hair against the nearest wall, if not born under a bad sign?

Allow me to elaborate.

Case in point, true story, no actors needed

So I’m driving down the highway and I’m intent on my mission. Mission being, get my son to school. Simple. Easy. Nothing complicated about it.

The day was sunny, no dark clouds, no ominous warnings written on my mirror, nada. Easy, right? Wrong-o! Enter cosmic straight man for cosmic laugh of the day.

I’m minding my own, humming along and doing fine and then-blam!

(cue the laugh track)

A rock thrown off by the meandering lawn equipment laden trailer in front of me hit my windshield. If this were anyone else of course it would then bounce off, leaving you out there to cuss and be done with it, right?

Yeah, well, that’s you. Must be nice.

My rock got stuck, lodged in my windshield making me wish rather wistfully, for the convenience of an bull horn, to tell the driver of the lawn equipment truck, with the damn trailer, that seemed to go whichever way it felt and yell.

Hey, hey Mo-RON, you owe me a new pair of underwear and come get your damn ROCK!”

Maybe I’m cursed…but I’m not lying.

do have a witness.


It sounded like a pistol shot when the rock hit the windshield, and my eyes crossed as I realized it was STUCK there. My insurance agent is still laughing, that sadistic li’l pencil….hmmm….

Today’s little jaunt into “normalcy” was truly awe inspiring. My son, seated directly behind me, yelled  directly into my ear.

” Holy Shit! Do you see that?”

As a character witness, he is credible, however, he is currently grounded and…that’s my story-I’m stickin’ to it.


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