The Guilty Confession Of A Tech Inept ADHD Chick

Tech Hates me
The Conspiracy Theory

I’m going to murder my laptop-today

I’m not the best of computer people. Mildest of understatements, I know. Not even on my very best day, when the brain is on an Adderall fortified lock down and is up and running at maximum cruising speed, firing on all cylinders. Wait. This is a confession, after all, so it needs to be the whole truth. Okay, so in all honesty, I’m a total tech inept ADHD chick and I have total and complete suckage going for me in the tech department. Case in point-this post. I’ve spent hours just trying to get it to look as though someone other than a 2 year old with severe dyslexia has put it together. It sure doesn’t reflect the time and effort I’ve put in, and that just gripes my I want it perfect right now! ass.

If tech were easy, my office air wouldn’t be blue

Today is a prime example. Even the dog has sought refuge from the blue tinged air in here and is hiding in the man cave, despite the ever prevailing stench of man stink. She feels suffering the stench is far more preferable than listening to the obscene and impossible acts I’m suggesting to my laptop, and hearing it’s answering electronic laugh in the form of the Windows error sound for the gazillionth time, which loosely translated, is tech speak for “Denied! Haha, Hey dumbass, I can’t do that, everyone knows that except for you! You suck at tech, don’t quit yer day job, ya idiot!”

It’s a love/hate thing-I love to hate tech and tech loves to mock me

I like to think of myself as a reasonably intelligent woman. Oh, I may forget to tie my shoes but I have eyes in the back of my head, know when my son is thinking of doing something before he does it, can plot out pranks on unsuspecting family members with the speed and stealth of a ADHD mom who has a penchant for humor that doesn’t involve her being the butt of the joke, so just how the hell am I not be able to do this?! When did all my tech equipment become the enemy? I’m quite sure I never wronged it to the extent that this is my punishment.

It’s going to be a mercy killing, I’ll make it quick

I smell a conspiracy. No, that’s just the open door to the man cave. I still think the laptop is screwing with me on purpose. It’s probably giving me errors because it can and it likes to torment me. Worst of all, it’s relaying all this info to my car who thinks this is belly bustingly funny, which is bad yeah, but worst of all, to my Keurig who is staunchly remaining on strike due to it’s policy of-I don’t serve tech inept people. That’s what bites. If it doesn’t watch it, that’s one uppity, one shot coffee snob who’s going to be next on my Good Will list. It would probably thank me.

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