(Dumb) things I’ve said lately

 

Win some, lose some

 

I have a job in which communication is important.

I have to talk to a great many people and it usually falls into the fast, faster, and right damn now category.

Sometimes I get it right, sometimes I fail miserably.

I’ve been asked, by more than a few people, to post some of the worst things I’ve actually said–out loud and sometimes at top volume–at work when my ADHD and impulse control is at…shall we say…less than full operating capacity.

I wasn’t sure how to write about those vocal mishaps without losing the humor or people coming to the erroneous conclusion that I am a total dingbat.

Today, I’m just sleep deprived enough to think I can pull it off, throw caution to the wind and give ‘er a whirl.

So here we go.

(Dumb) Things I’ve Said Lately (at work)

  1. Better watch that cart. It’s been under a stripper for a week and is probably filthy.
     
  2. Hey! Come see me about your small package when you get a chance.
     
  3. Whew! I’m so glad we got rid of all of those damn nipples.
     
  4. Yup. It’s here. Nope, you don’t need a dolly, your stuff is really small. (Indicate size by thumb and forefinger)
     
  5. So were you the one who ordered from hose master or was that someone else?
     
  6.  Geez, come get your hose already, I’m tired of tripping over it.
     
  7. Did you want the latex gloves or the…you know…the proctology ones? (Make appropriate hand gestures to indicate the extended sleeves.
     
  8. Yelling across a crowded office. That’s a pretty hefty shaft, do you need help carrying it? (Instant cringe)

 

These are only a few miniscule examples.

I won’t even touch the things I (think) I hear, with my hearing also haing a sense of humor of it’s own.

I’m just not that brave.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Instead of swimming in the adult pool, I went on vacation


It’s a yearly ritual most of us try to do.

A vacation.

To get away from the people, places, and things–that drive you crazy all year long.

 

I loaded up 3 boys and a big ole boat and hot the road
3 boys and a big ole boat

 

This year I decided to embrace the crazy-makers, pack them into an SUV, and haul a big ole boat across the state.

Crazy, I know.

But the stars must’ve lined up just so, as the boys didn’t beat each other senseless AND the SUV decided to cooperate.

Not too bad for a big boat, tiny truck
Had the whole David and Goliath theme going on

 

Both events were awe-inspiring and just short of miraculous.

To put it mildly.

The 3 boys learned the joys of standing on a pebbly beach, hunting for shells.

 

Huey, Dewey, and Lewey
Huey, Dewey, and Lewey

 

Of quiet moments on a cool, end of summer morning.

Quiet moments like this, sans electronics are to be treasured
Quiet moments like this, sans electronic,  are to be treasured

 

Of letting ‘er rip and roar wide open once the no-wake zone has been breached.

Let 'er rip
Let ‘er rip

 

 

Of boating on a lake, with the hot sun beating down and the life jackets chafing, oh and lest I forget–life outside xbox and WiFi access.

WiFi? We Doan need no stinking wifi
WiFi? We Doan need no stinking WIFI!

 

They  learned to conquer the fear of the unknown while tubing across the wake from the boat.

Tubing really is fun
Huh. Tubing really Is fun

 

The fun to be had when taking a flying leap overboard and jumping into a cool lake.

Life jackets work as great bobbers
Life jackets work as great bobbers

 

And I found happiness.

 

Duck is growing so fast now
Duck is growing so fast now

 

And peace, believe it or not.

 

  • Life is good after a full day on the water
    Life is good after a full day on the water

     

And coffee.

Coffee is always a good thing
Coffee is always a good thing

 

 

20160903_111432
Because…Walmart happens

 

Yeah. It was a great vacation.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Duck Learning Curve

Duck
Duck is all things cool

 

Black, white, black, white.

Step one, step two.

There is no in between, there is only logic.

This is my “work is insane” mantra.

It’s repeated often, sometimes hourly, but always under my breath.

When the yearly carnival of crazy began, with my days first blurring then blending into a wild kaleidoscope of faces; all with problems to be solved, I didn’t realize I might have lost some of my perception.

Thank goodness my son Duck, is around to remedy this situation and bring me back to reality.

Duck is still suffering growing pains and firmly within the grasp of his own crazy carnival ride of (gasp!) tween angst.

His tween town lies smack dab in the middle of Xbox is king and bordering on but not quite crossing, the girls are okay city limits.

whew.

I’m not ready for that city to rezone.

Zoning issues aside, appearance is an important thing to Duck.

Sort of.

If we’re to go by appearance is important in that…

A.  Clothes are on his body

and

B.  He’s seen the inside of the shower within the past 24 hours.

Or so I thought.

Turns out, appearance is more important to him than either of us knew until this past Monday, when Duck got up (under vehement protest of course) and dressed in the dark.

He thought he was being cool.

He thought he was defying me and my parental edict of wearing un-wrinkled clothing, fresh underwear, and preferably matching socks by rocking the arrogantly shabby look instead.

He thought wrong.

But not until he’d gone through the entire school day, more than likely grinning over what he felt was a sweeping victory over all things parenting.

He walked around school with his head held up, his eyes twinkling and his tween self just bursting with confidence and energy, so sure he was the talk of all his new admirers.

Yeah, he probably had a lot of conversations going…

He was Duck.

He was cool.

He was wearing…his mother’s pajama shirt.

All. Damn. Day.

Wanna know how to bust a tween boy’s bubble in 2 seconds or less?

Pick him up after school, goggle at the sight of him, and laugh. Laugh hard, laugh long, laugh until you hold on to the steering wheel for support.

Then? Tell him why.

He still won’t talk about it. He really gets mad when I start giggling and he knows the reason isn’t the one finger salute I got from the grandma I just passed in the fast lane.

I love Duck even if we aren’t exactly on speaking terms at the moment.

The good news is that he’s volunteered to do his own laundry from now on, lest another wardrobe malfunction occur.

sigh…

My Duck is growing up.

 

 

 

 

 

Living the dream

I made it
Steel toes have become very familiar

 

Tomorrow is my 1 year anniversary of early mornings, steel toes and a hard hat.

Doesn’t sound like much, true, but for me?

Freaking outstanding because I really, really hate mornings.

Especially early ones.

I came here tonight after another (successful) day of living through gearing up for the craziness that only comes once a year. One accompanied by all the wildness of a carnival, but coupled with more importance and urgency.

As it should be.

I sat down intending to write on a different topic tonight, I did, but this seems to be the only one that’s wanting to be written.

I blame the Fireball.

It’s more than capable of standing up to the raised eyebrows I’m likely evoking.

Take this haters
I’m feeling pretty darn smug…

 

Right.

Thing is when I started this job, I was asked if I was nuts. Surely I must be, so far from my past career, insanity could be the only possible explanation for this dramatic change.

So physically demanding and rough. And certainly not like me at all.

That must be it, I had officially gone down the hill and ’round the bend.

I was informed, and by more than a few smugly smiling faces, that I wouldn’t last a month, a week, not even a day.

Bets were placed.

Guess who’s smug now?

I'm feeling pretty darn smug. If not exactly a beauty queen...
Smug…if  not exactly a beauty queen…scuz the sweaty hair and dirt

 

I’ve had my share of victories, great big ginormous victories, but am not without some regrettable losses too.

I suppose it’s the push.

You know.

The balance that must be maintained. Good with the bad and all that stuff.

I try to remember this every day.

Though admittedly, some days are better than others.

Today, I was able to speak to an overseas friend I haven’t spoken to in years. (You know who you are)

One who made my day, just by hearing their voice. And made me feel like I’d come home.

The thing I’m thinking about right now?

I made it.

Oh yeah, you better believe I’m smiling.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Finding humor in an ADHD life without water wings

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